Hey

To Niki- I dunno how often you check your e-mail but I sent something to it and now I am writing here. maybe you check this more often.

I didnt know Michael called you. he didnt say anything about it. Just about the time he tried to call right before your wedding, but you and Joey didnt answer. So I have no idea why he called you. I was just wondering what he said to you and what you said to him. I am still trying to figure out what happened and maybe he said something to you about what happened. Also, I am not giving up on this. I am giving it my all to get him back or to figure out what really happened. The only reason I will ive up or know for sure that we are done is when he is in his truck leaving to go back home and he says goodbye. Then is when I will realize that we are done and I can move on with school and work and life as I use to know it before he came into it. but ever since he came into my life it has changed. I cant listen to country anymore because its what we use to listen to and talk about and hearing the songs make me think of him. Just driving my truck makes me think of him beacuse we did so much in the truck...going places and having fun. Being at school makes me think of him too because he visited me there...work makes me really miss him becasue i met him there. It may sound weird but its what I am feeling. I was truly in love and would do anything and give up anything for him. I was and still am willing to move and live in Washington State and miss my life in GA and all that. I would do anything for him and to an extent I have. Mmy dad cosigned the truck and I am payng the cell phone bill thing. I just know my family and I have done so much for him and its because we all love him and I love him the most! Sorry I am rambling but maybe you can help me make sense of this. LOL! maybe you can call him and have a conversation about what he is feeling seeing as how he wont really talk to me. I left his mom a note in the mailbox asking if her and I could go out to luch and talk and i am praying that she will call and say yes and when we can do it. maybe she has some input. but yeah. im just feeling real shitty and i hate the new year so far. haha.

I hope all is going well with you and joey and ill ttyl. bye

To Niki

Yes I did miss all of that. The only reasons I have been looking at your xanga is to see any updates for the wedding but I dont think they concern me now, seeing as how I am not in the wedding. I now have no reason to be on xanga or look at yours and will be deleting mine or just not going to it any more. I wasnt looking to see if you said anything about me. If you do, thats your business. A lot of things about you have bothered me for a while too. I do admit that I was scared to talk to you about because of how you do handle things and how you blow them off and act like you do not care. I tried to talk to you about it and I even talked to someones else who knows you very well, no names metioned, and they also said they were scared to talk o you about it. I think that we both should have been bigger people and just hashed it out in the beginning and not let it get to this point. But it has and I guess we have delt with it for the time being and all. I dunno if you want us to be friends again and if not, then I am fine with that, I guess. But I guess time might be the answer. No one knows. I am also not judging you, but judging your statements and possibly how you think. I think that all of us have helped equally in the wedding process. We all have done our share. If I didnt think it was pretty much equal for the most part, I would not be saying it was. I have though long and hard and I have no regrets about my helping and not helping in the planning of your wedding. I guess I didnt know what I was getting myself into when I said yes to being your maid of honor. I should have asked what the duties were before I said yes. Also, you knew my schedule when u asked me to be the maid of honor in the first place and you knew how busy I was and my job and school situation. I just know that I helped you out as much as I could. I am not going to sit here and list all the things I did, but I helped as much as I could and I am sorry if you dont think it was good enough or if I helped alot or not. And as far as you cooling off, that is why i did not answer your phone call on Friday. You wer still mad and probably crying and I wasnt going to answer the phone and let you ring me out again. I figured you would call me back but I made the move and IM you. I figured we could possily meet up and talk, but you had plans. I am sorry if I cant drop everything that I am doing or will be doing to be with you when you needed help with the wedding. I take it as you had 3 other people to help too. Thats how I take it, but we all have our different opinions about weddings and maid of honors and bridesmaids. The whole tattoo thing...like i said i was wrong to say i was going to see if you noticed it. I would hope you would. lol. but still my body. i finally had the moey to do it and i did it. i did it for me becasue i had not spent money on me in a while and i am proud that i got ot. it doesnt matter who went with me or who didnt. michel didnt even go with me. his mom did and shaina called when i was up there and waiting to get it and her and richard came up there and watched me. I didnt think it was a big deal for you to be there or not. If it was a big deal on who was there, Michael would have been there. and the whole tattoo thing is not what started this all. you said you had been mad at me for a while. so dont blame it on me or my tattoo. we are BOTH to blame to an extent.

I also wish you and joey the best of 07 and years to come and hope the wedding is good

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Updates:

Tattoo-Hurts like hell when you get it, but I am so glad I got it! SO WORTH IT! And i's so pretty. I love it!

Work-They are not scheduling me and I think its crap. I need the money and I don't wanna get a new job because of the internship I am going to be getting in less than 2 months! I guess I will have to deal and not spend any money and save it!

School-Starting back on Wednesday the 3rd. I am excited to go back to school. I miss everyone and need to catch up with a few ppl! I can't wait! I am closer to graduating! Only 9 more months to go!

Michael-He is doing good. He will be working more for the next few months building a church and that means overtime and more money for him, especially since he got his 90 day pay raise! I am so happy for him and he is going somewhere in life(not that he wasn't). I am so proud of him and I love him!

Me and Michael-7 months! Wow, I cant believe its been that long. I am so amazed at how fast it has gone by and what I have learned from him and being in the relationship. I am just glad it has lasted and I know it will last forever! I love him!

Decesions! This new year I am going to be making some decesions that are really going to affect my family, my life and my friends. Michael and I have been talking about when we get married. This is definitely all going to happen after I complete college, but I have a lot of thinking to do. We have been talking a little about the wedding and where and when,possibly, and who's all coming and all sorts of things. I think we have decided that there are going to be 2 weddings. 1 in GA and 1 in WA. The one in GA, all of my family and friends are attending and the on in WA all of his family and friends are attending. But at the one in WA my mom and dad and Ruby and Charles and going to be there. They are the family that means the most to me. But with the whole wedding thing aside, we have a decesion to make about where we are going to be living. Michael wants to live back home and I want to live in GA. Theres a tough one. LOL! What am I going to do? I am faced with leaving GA and my family and friends and moving 3,000 miles away. AHH! I dunno how I am going to handle that if that is what I am going to do. I have lived in GA my whole life and now I am faced with moving away from the only place I know, and its my home. Now, don't get me wrong, I wanna leave,but not forever. I was thinking taking the honeymoon up there, but Michaels talking about living there. I am faced with a TOUGH decesion! He is going up in June for his sisters graduation, and I might go with him and while I am up there, we are going to see the places he would like to live and see how I feel about 'em. If I like 'em then I'll go, but still I am leaving my family and all I know behind! Now, thats what Michael has done and he misses home so much.Ican tell and he always talks about home and things he misses and I just feel so bad that he is kinda stuck here. We are both between a rock and a hard place, because we both love the places we were born in and grew up in. I dunno how I am going to go 3,000 miles away and leave my family and friends.I am not making a decesion right now, but it's one I am going to be thinking about in the back of my head for this upcoming new year!

Ok...I am VERY HAPPY! I love Christmas! I think its my most favorite time of the year now! I am so in the Christmas Spirit! I have finally finished my shopping and wrapping and now its the whole cooking part, which I don't like, but I am almost done with that too! I have Sunday and Monday off and I am sooo happy! I get to spend time with my family and get to open presents and just have fun and enjoy Christmas. I love it! I especially love it when my 7 months is so close to Christmas. HAHA! I was at work when a package was delivered to me in the back. It was a boquet of Red Roses! I was soo embarrassed but soo happy! I couldn't believe it! I almost cried! I loved the roses and I called Michael as soon as I got them!Later that night, I was at his house and he said he had to leave real quick and if I wanted to go to go with him. Well, he pretty much made me get in his truck and go with him. He went to a place on Hwy 29 and he went in and he came out. We drove to his house and we ordered pizza and watched a movie. We were sitting on the couch when he handed me a silver little box and said Merry Christmas. I was like "I don't wanna open it, it's not Christamas yet!" He pretty much made me open that too, but I was happy to open it! I opened it and inside was a RING! He got me a promise ring! I was soo happy! I was all smiles from then on out, for the rest of the night! Now, don't get me wrong, its not the biggest ring in the world, but I don't care! It's beautiful and I love it and I love Michael! I couldn't believe he got me a ring! I didn't think he was going to. But for now, its a promise ring and it means we are comitted to each other and we love each other and that we will get married...one day...after college. And to be exact... college is done in September! But, I am definitely not rushing into things! I know that he is the one for me and that he is in love with me and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together! I am just so in love and with it being Christmas, I am LOVING every day, and living it to the fullest with friends,family, and loved ones!!!